By the time I turned 18 years old, I had my whole life planned out. My three-step plan led to my final goal of living happily ever after. Somewhere along the way, while working on step one, everything fell apart and there was no more plan to living happily ever after in sight. When I have a hard time falling asleep on certain nights, my mind turns to the what-if game. I lay there wondering what if I had or hadn’t done this or that, what if I hadn’t gone here or there. What if I hadn’t believed the lies or allowed myself to go to the places that led to betrayals. Sleep eventually finds me, but when I wake up in the morning, I am mentally exhausted and left wondering where I would be now and how different my life would be if only. With certainty, I convince myself I would have had my happily ever after and depression would have never found its way into my life.
There are times when I wonder if men like Moses, Joseph, and David had three-step plans and if they ever wondered what their lives would have been like if they had made a different choice. I find encouragement from reading in the Word about their lives and the choice they made. Their stories prove that God is faithful, loving and does miraculous things through the most unlikely people who didn’t always make the right choice. I have come to realize that there is no guarantee I would have had my happily ever after if my choice had been different. Did I make bad decisions? Yes. Do I continue to make them? Yes. Is depression a battle I continue to fight against? Yes. But based on Proverbs 16:9, I no longer have to play the what-if mental game. I can trust in the fact that the Lord directs my steps and if I ask Him to show me the steps to take and allow Him to use my depression for His purposes, then I believe I will have a heavenly happily ever after.
Proverbs 16:9 A man’s heart plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps. (NKJV)
Oh God, there is no way of me knowing who is reading this blog article, but I trust that You have led someone who struggles with the what-if mental game to my website. You alone know what a person who struggles with doubt, disappointment and depression is going through. So, I ask that You would wrap Your loving arms around them. Draw them close to You and do the miraculous for and through them. Amaze and bless them throughout their life. Help them to find the strength and courage to let go of the what ifs and trust You to direct each step they take. May they find encouragement in Your Word and be assured that You have a plan for their life and it’s not to harm them but rather to give them a future and a hope. I ask that You would push back the enemy away from them, that You would send warrior angels to fight on their behalf and guardian angels to help guide them through their what-if moments. Thank You for the words at the end of Revelation that tell us the enemy is defeated, and that we will live happily ever after for an eternity with You.
Gram