Shakespeare wrote the famous line, “To thine own self be true,” for the character Polonius to say to his son in the play Hamlet. But today I sit here questioning who I really am. I went numb for a couple of days after doing some research on the connection between depression and fight, flight, and freeze responses, when I came across a fourth word which I had never heard before: fawn. The description for a person living in a fawn response includes:
Overly Agreeable Behavior: Saying yes even when you disagree.
Difficulty Saying No: Feeling a deep sense of guilt or fear when setting a boundary.
Avoiding Conflict: Feeling high anxiety at even the slightest hint of tension.
Neglecting Your Own Needs: Prioritizing everyone else’s comfort above your own mental health.
Feeling Responsible for Others’ Emotions: Believing it is your job to keep everyone around you happy. Walking on eggshells around certain people.
Okay, so that pretty much sounds like me. In all the articles I’ve read on this, it says the fawn response is caused by childhood trauma. So here I sit, trying to move forward, forgetting my past, only now to find myself facing my childhood instead and connecting all the dots that tell me why I tend to struggle with depression and how to deal with it. For all these years, I have told myself that these traits were just who I was and parts of my personality. If I remove these unhealthy traits, then what do I have left, and who am I?
My journey to letting go of a fawn response began with recognizing what happened while I was growing up that caused me to become the person I am today. As I pieced together the situations that led to this response, I was reminded that my identity is in Christ. I am His child and an heir of His promises, fully accepted, loved, and empowered by Him. The old has passed away, and I am a new creation. I was created in the image of God; I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and so are you.
Identity is not defined by achievements, appearance, relationships, or societal standards, but by a relationship with God.
Called His son or daughter, John 1:12; 1 John 3:1.
Renewed and empowered to live a God-honoring life, 2 Corinthians 5:17.
God’s Spirit, guiding, empowering, and sanctifying your life, Romans 8:9.
Inheritance of God’s kingdom and blessings, Romans 8:17.
Set apart for God’s purposes and belong to His eternal kingdom, Ephesians 2:19; Philippians 3:20. Uniquely designed to fulfill the good works God prepared for you, Ephesians 2:10.
If you are living a fawn response life, here are some suggestions. Consider exploring Christian counseling and materials that specifically address your trauma response. Go to God in honest prayer, telling Him what is going on in your heart and mind. God loves you for exactly who you are. Remind yourself that God doesn’t want you to act a certain way to gain His love. He wants a relationship with you based on love, not fear. You don’t have to hold back any negative emotions or pretend to be happy. If you feel angry, tired, or doubtful, tell Him. The fawn response often shows itself in chronic volunteering, self-sacrifice, and an inability to say “no.” Before you agree to serve, be honest and take some time to pray before saying yes. In any relationship, it is best to set healthy boundaries for your emotional and physical well-being. And take time to journal. Write down what kind of person you really are and want to be, then live your life as the child of God He created you to be.
Gram
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